Sunday, 20 July 2008

“Was this all channelled through Manic F?” questioned Hack

“Not at first. Before Manic F I was in a band called the Recluses with my friend Dusty Ol’ Jake. We were like a double trouble tag team of the musical variety!” he said fondly

“You nether got one without the other. We put in some legendary performances, including one acoustic show where I almost ended up double exposing my raw behind to the full moon effect” he chuckled

“Some of the vocalists squirmed at the site of me and my repugnant smell. I’m like a dodgy scratch and sniff card” laughed The Crone

“We tried to play experimentalist punk but ended up droningly thudding with a bass player by the name of Mr Johnson, he was an ultra reclusive personality, he looked a bit like a fly swat but he fitted in perfectly with mine and Jakes mentality in wanting to create something that pushed with vibrancy” he took a deep breath

“He was a good bass player; he did several gigs with us including playing the Louisiana! The best live music venue in Bristol”

“I can remember playing the first gig there! We opened up for local punk type bands including White Trash Ambition who echoed all their influences including Sonic Youth and Fugazi; it was our first proper gig”

“How did your first gig go?”

“I personally was completely soiling my pants with nerves, but I think we put on an effective show1 I mean we scared the crappers out of several of the White Trash Ambition members”.

“Why was this?”

“Well they had seen all of us being nervous and shy in setting up and for them to come up the stairs to see me poised behind the drum kit in my black and White face paint screaming down the microphone, Jake in his leathers and Mr Johnson with the balaclava. We also had the American flag draped across the drum kit making big statements, or so we thought! You have also got to remember that at the time I was a skinhead with ultra freaky mentality of imagery”

“I can see how you could scare people with that look”

“I had some fun times with the Recluses even though I did make the mistake of leaving my telephone number up on a scratty little website I had set up for the band with the aim of getting further gigs. This was a bad idea” said the Crone ratcheting his voice with humorous tones.

“I got a text stalker” he yarned

“Someone, who called them self Leanne, who sent me some really crude messages!”

“How crude were the messages?” asked Hack

“They were crude enough to turn any nun blue and to make them blush like bloomers” he said making gestures with his hands.

“Each message referred to what they or it wanted to do with my sexual orphisms. I mean it was quite exciting for me considering I had never had any female interaction. For all I know she could have been telling the truth. She or it did claim to be a glamour model in her 20’s but she or it could have quite easily been a 40 year old bifter”

“It” he hollered “It started by leaving salacious messages the scratty little web site I had set up using Moonfruit, a cheapo Internet provider”.

“The messages usually consisted of how she and a friend had seen us play at the Louisiana and that she was a model but not of the clothes variety!” he said winking

“It all started so innocently and then quickly declined into absurd sexual fantasies, which lasted for about a week, it was fun whilst it lasted but it did start to get rather scary! I can even remember trying to phone her once and left her a one ringer to which she responded by sending me a text asking me the size of my manhood and what colour pants I was wearing” laughed the Crone.

“I loved the Louisiana, it had a real sense of grandeur with its old varnishing on wooden plated chairs and old style pub and the upstairs where they had bands play in sometimes sauna like conditions, because of the power driven lights generating an exciting atmosphere” the Crone said whilst pouring the stale coffee into his flask mug.

“It had a real family feeling to the place, I felt really at home there after a while” he said staunchly sipping the Coffee.

“When I first started going there I used to be a shy shadow like figure who would be down the front head banging away with my scalped head shining from the light and beads of sweat that would trickle down my fore head from the enjoyment of it all. I would just turn up at venues like the Louisiana and not say a peep to people,” he said with a slight nervous twitch in his face

“This was how I made friends with people at the venues, by turning up at their shows and being the odd one out in the audience. I used to find it hard to make friends, knowing how to extend the olive branches for connection. I always saw myself as a nuisance if I spoke!” he said puffing out his with a deep breath

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