Tuesday, 5 August 2008

"But in all seriousness I did love it in the Louisiana, the owners were a married couple, Giovanni and Mary Schillache and their son Mig rented out the upstairs space for gigs. It was a really a great atmosphere"

"It sound like it was the perfect place for you!' gestured the hack

'It was like a home from home for me, the nice intimate space to see fast rising bands drench themselves in sticky sweat in-front of 120-160 sweaty bodies, I mean heck I virtually ended up camping there with my dusted sleeping bag!" his voice chimed

"sleeping bag?, you weren't homeless at that time surely?"

"Nearly Hack, I was nearly homeless, its just that I was living with my parents in the countryside, and so I would come in for gigs traveling in on public transport. I was often too shy to ask my friends if I could stay at theirs, So I crashed where ever I could find space. so I slept on cold rusted park benches, bus stops, the train station, on the top of hills and where have you" he said with gust

"hack have you ever been bitten by an obsession so strong that it drove you to do anything to get a fix?" asked the crone daringly

"No I have not experienced anything with that kind of powerful grip" said the Hack flinching

"You see" stated the Crone

"You will do anything to feed an obsession like a live music addiction! and the Louisiana was the best venue in town. I was great to generate excitement for the up coming bands who were ready too shoot into the stratosphere" he said flinging his arms upwards

"I would do anything to feel the buzz of the pa, watery trickleing's of sweat from the steamy lights dripping off the roof" he said with his teeth Chiming

"I remember that sometimes I needed a paint stripper to remove my clothes after gigs!"

"Eugh thats revolting" said the Hack up turning hi nose

" yeah it was pretty disgusting, the words pretty damn special, you used to be able to smell me from 20 paces"

"you probably still can" laughed the hack

"trust me I made some killer stenches" he said grimacingly

"I loved the intamacey of the Louisiana, I can remember seeing the likes of the Srokes, the White Stripes, the Vines and the Scissor Sisters coming through their doors"

"really did all those bands come come through that venue?"

"Yes they sure as heel did!"

"I can remember seeing the Scissor Sisters being supported by my friends band Fortune Drive, there was only about 12 people in the audience including various members of Fortune Drive!" he stated factually

"there were only 12 people?" staggered the Hack

"Yes hack, you see this was before their supersized bombastic pop which had everyone dancing with their over the top Elton John meets David Bowie on a hyperly camp acid trip" he said with an overly enigmatic tone.

"I can remember their guitarist Del, was trying to chat up Mark, the drummer from Fortune Drive as he found him very attractive" laughed the Crone

"The Scissor Sisters played there 3 times on their way towards the top! the last of the 3 times it was ramned like sardines all crushed into a sweltering can thick with mustied sweat" he said

"They put on a really over the top performance, with tight fit skimpy costumes and feather bowers, singing in rediculous falsetto voices chirping away. well I supoes that is what should have been expected from a band that took their name from a Lesbian sex position" it was a good show though!"

"Lesbian sex position what Lesbian sex position?"

the Crone began to make shapes with his hands simulating the body positions sliding them together with open finger in scissor like shapes.

"that position"

"Oh really murmored the Hack

"They had the whole of the audience dancing from the first song right until the very last song had hit its last notes, I can even remember seeing Johnny dancing away in the audience" he laughed

"I can remember seeing this bonkers as hell Australian Glam rock band called Machine Gun Fallatio".

"there was a band called the Machine Gun Fellatio?"

"yes, they were complete bunch of nut jobs who were over this side of the world to promote their single 'Mother Fucker on a Motorcycle'

"They had a single called Mother Fucker on a Motorcycle?" questioned Hack almost spluttering with laughter

"Yep, they sure as hell did" he laughed

"They had this girl called Christine who was their support act, she used to be in an Australian version of Eurotrash!".

"Eurotrash?" puzzled Hack

"yeah you know it was a high brow entertaiment's program parodying every porno encounter, adult erotica in caberret style hummor and performances"

"that does sound very highbrow

"well basically her set did consist of a variety of knob jokes, including one song called carrot day where she preceded to sing and grate carrots all over the stage. after she had covered the stage with carrot peelings she then promptly began to fart the tune to over the rainbow!" he croaked with laughter

"How the hell did she fart the tune to over the rainbow?"

"I don't know, but each bowl moving squelch was almost perfectly pitched and lets just say that each note took a while in coming!, talk about raw gutteral talent” he chuckled

“It just goes to show what you can do with a bit of determination and perspiration”

”Their support act in question, also turned out to be one of the backing vocalists for Machine Gun Fallatio, she kept on walk on and off the stage to re-appear at random points, wearing less and less clothes until she was down to just a thong with balloons on her breasts whilst the others all looked like overly dressed extra's from Doctor Who with their gonzo glam rock bravado whilst smoke machines and bubbles were whipped across the room and the spangally glitzed up disco lights span around in giro circles” he said his eye stunned in mesmmerising memory

“Their songs were ultra sleazy, like Mother Fucker on a Motorcycle which was sung by the girl who kept on wondering on and off the stage, I can also remember the guitarist did a solo acoustic song in the encore, a nice gentle little number called ‘The Ballad of the Butt Fucking Pigeon’” laughed the Crones

“They ended the night with all the members of the band naked with Whinnie the Pooh attached to their privates with duck tape, as they ran around the audience which largely consisted of brawly australians”

“I bet Whinnie must have seen an eyeful” said the Hack braunching with laughter

“Yeah, that was one of many fun and eventful nights I have had in this here dusky old town. One other such eventful gig was when Canadian post punk misfits Les Savy Fav took on the Students Union which was up over on that hill” he said wavering his spindling finger in the direction of a hill that was covered with buildings and an empty faced street that crawled up the slope

“That there hill used to be a buzzing place full of plushly lit shops full the latest fashion feeds and cafĂ© expresso for the viegne chill out spots, now it is a dusky place for the corporate whore houses!, full of steamed shriveling houses” he said huskerly

I remember when that street used to nbe a place of play and fun times with cool record shops to hangs out in where I met interesting people all the time, with unique qualities” he said with his eyes just darting past the Hack

“Its amazing to see life build up and then destroy its self, sometimes it gives people a sence of worthlessness, like myself” howled the Crone

“You are always important to someone, just remember that Crone” juddered Hack

The Crone Smirked thinly with an icy stare before sighing
“Well Les Savy Fav played at the Students Union which used to sit on the top of the hill, the promoters had made the mistake of putting on Les Savy Fav in a venue where the stage was not fixed down”

“Why what did they do?”

“Well their singer had a reputation of being a bit of a nutcase, he decided that it would be a good idea to get the crowd involved, by disassembling the stage and shoving into the audience and this was after he had stripped down to an all in one cat suit made out of really thin almost see through white lycra, poured red wine over everyone, used various audience members as mic stands whilst shoving his hands down their tops and feeling them up and deliberately electrocuting himself on stage”

“He electrocuted himself deliberate?, how or why did he do that?” puzzled the Hack

“I cant explain why Hack, I don’t quite have the mental understanding or drive to know why he would od such a thing. He electrocuted himself by unscrewing a light bulb from the low ceiling of the venue, shoving the fingers of one hand into the fittings whilst tapping a jack lead in the other hand, creating an electronic current flowing through his body”

The Crone paused and took in a deep breath “I don’t know how his body coped with the electrical current because he was not a small person”

“Wowzers” said Hack “that guy sounds like he was one too short of a case!”

“Yeah he certainly was interesting to say the least, it was like a if he just let things go hey wire" he lauded

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