Thursday, 23 October 2008

“Well one of the terms meant Darts Players, the other term meant a sexual situation that are usually filmed involving 2 men and 1 women”

“Oh! I see” paled Hack

“Well I became really attached to Kid Carpet he had a real charm in entertaining people with his Kiddie addled toy pop! Bouncing around with his my little Tomy guitar solos, he was an expert at pressing the buttons!”

“Oh yeah, he really knew how to pull off a guitar solo! His button pressing technique was exceptional” the Crone paused for a brief second

“He created what he called Shit-hop, it was like electro post punk made using Kids toys! Mixing it all together with his unique sense of humor that would make him easily appeal to wide audience of both Kids and adults a like. I really looked up to Ed and his girlfriend” he said grining with broken teeth an a reflective glaire in his eyes.


“Kid Carpet was just a stage name and gimmick that he had created by using his first name and sir name mixed together too create an anograme! So his real name was Ed Patrick. Both him and his girlfriend were really nice to me, they housed me a couple of times after shows he had played”

“They treated me with a great level of respect and so I looked up to Ed as a role figure, because I respected the way that he and his girlfriend treated people! They even would make me Breakfast and generally make sure I was alright” he paused whilst staring at the rustic Iron Girders.

“I can remember the first time I spoke to Ed’s girlfriend” he said shiftily

“I was talking to her about my mental situation and how appendicitus almost killed me with all the mental stuff that goes on in my head, I like talking to people about myself because I use it as way of introducing myself to other people” he said with a wistful air.

“Both of the shows Kid Carpet did for me were rammed to the hilt! At the show with We Yes You No people were fighting for space, literally climbing on tables and chairs to get a glimpse of Ed in action” he said raising his hands wildly into the Hacks face.

“God that sounds like it was crammed?” said Hack

“Well after a couple of years of getting to know Mr Carpet and his lovely girlfriend and turning up to loads of his gigs, he started a radio show which was broadcast to people on a local community radio station broadcast from the top of an old church that had been turned into a local community centre for all forms of art and media purposes. They often had all sorts of courses running with youth scemes” he said staring at the sky.

“What was it like doing a radio show?”

“Well we just crash invaded the place every first Thursday of the month for about an hour or so, taking it over with Eds peerless presenting style and his friends random jabbering about consumer news issues being what cheap objects she found in charity shops and there was me who was making up the pack with my hysterical innuendo’s of my vulgarity” he said shriffling up his collar in the brisk wind.

“Eds set list of songs would be like an old primary school disco mega mix! playing everything from ACDC through to Chic, to Flaming Lips, to MC Hammer, oh yes he had all the hits” chuckle the Crone faintly.

“I can remember one time when we had a live auction with a stuffed cat that purred and a superly massive tent that he had brought for a pound off ebay, both me an Gail got embodied in a full on biding war over the cat, I lost out to mystery bidder who had more then my 50p for the cat”

“Yeah the show was usually live on the internet, but sometimes due to the ineptatude of the volunteers capabilities or the equipments used in the studio!”
“What were the studio facilities like?”

“Well it was ramshackled with some good equipment and a laid back atmosphere” he said staring gainfully into Hack’s eye’s as Hack scribbled furlong smoke coming off his pen nib.

“I also at the same time became Ed’s onstage dancer, we did both Ashton Court and Bestival” he said longingly into the Hacks eyes

“Do you think this was what built you as the character that people judged you for?”

“Quite possibly Hack, quite possibly” he paused with refreshed eyes.

“Dancing onstage for Ashton Court was personal dream come true, I was onstage with Kid Carpet and his motley cru of carrier bags and robots infront of 15,000 screaming people was insane. Too have that many people screaming out your name is purely frightening and strangely enjoyable at the same time. I was one of my many dreams was to be involved as one of the main acts on the main stage, I could feel peoples voices hit me from the back of the stage, I was having to tell people to calm down because I did not want to completely take over Ed’s show!” he stated with his eyes shivering

“Why was Ashton Court such an important event to you?”

“Ashton Court was an important event not just to me but to the entirety of the musical community in Bristol, it was a chance for smaller bands to play in a bigger stage too their home audiences. I can remember seeing Skunk Anansie play there in 95 when I was just a wee boy, hearing the soul power stroked vocals rip over punk rock riffs and thumping bass lines with a pounding sense of punching emotions and stagnant furry!” rattled the crones voice in vibrant ecstacy

“I have never had such a big adrenalin rush in my life” he exclaimed

“We also did Bestival later on that summer, which was almost as crazy as Ashton Court”

“Really?” pondered Hack

“Yes it was like as if half of Bristol had gone on a camping holliday to the Isle of Wight, which is a beautiful place”.

Hack nodded with agreement “Ie Old Crone it sure is a beautiful place”

“The festival was set in a family adventure park, everything about the sight was picturesque, from the sculptures through too the words written on the hill and the musical line-up was astonishing, it was the best festival of the summer”.

“What made it such a good festival?”

“Well everybody spent the entire weekend in my tuxsedo partying it up for 3 days solid, Kid carpet was on in the House of Bamboo stage which was in a huge marquee of over a thousand plus people, it was buldging by the time Ed was onstage” he said beamingly

“I was behind the stage winding myself up being preppared for the curtain call of Carrier Bag and then all a sudden it was lift off! Things went swimmingly for Ed until his hard drive crashed meaning he had to pretty much end his set there and then leaving haude of people chanting out my name, he pulled me up for one last
parade around the stage too people who were blasting out my name as I tried in veign to deflate my ego!”

“Why was it in veighn?”

“Well my ego lit up like a hot air balloon with me gloating for weeks after, meaning that I talked too all as if I was above them, even my friends” he sighed

“That’s when I realized that what I had been given can quite easily be taken away” he paused too intake a stiff breath

“It was around then when things started to get a bit hectic” he said stairing bewilderedly at the iron girders and his damp sleeping bag

“Why were things getting hectic?” Questioned the Hack with young tones ringing in his ears.

“Because I had gained a reputation of being a well known person for dancing at the front of gigs, people wanted me to be in their videos. I was the latest thing that was seen to be hanging on the latest models arms, who wanted to be seen in all the flashy rags, with their glitterati wanting me on their hands!”

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